I often experience Dejavu, as most people do. However, it seems that my recent experiences with this phenomenon are evolving into a continuous life cycle.
I am in the midst of marching season with my high school marching band. We attend one marching contest each season, attend and perform at all high school football games, perform a concert piece for our school's Veterans Day program, and we march one or two Christmas parades. This is typical of almost every high school band in the state of Oklahoma. I am no exception. I do this alone, as many small school band directors in Oklahoma do. This is not the season for composing.
This is why it is such a difficult time of year for me. When I don't get the time to compose, or I get the time and don't have the energy to compose, I am a rather depressed person. I put up a great front. I fake it rather well, my job helps me do that. You have to be "on" all the time when you are teaching. Imagine knowing what you want, knowing what it is that makes you the best version of yourself, knowing what makes you the happiest version of yourself,
but it is just out of reach.
It's close enough that you can almost touch that possibility. You can taste it. You can fit inside the shadow it casts on your life.
I have been stuck in this cycle so long that I'm not certain how I would react or respond to a break in that cycle. Honestly, it is rather scary to consider.
So here I am again in this familiar place, excited at the prospect of finishing a new composition, but busy with my job of inspiring youngsters to follow their own musical paths. I do love what I do for a living. I would also enjoy making a living at what I love. Balancing the two has always been and will continue to be a challenge.
Until next time...