Updated: Feb 7
This! Ah, this is comfort, solace, and trepidation all in one. The empty hall prior to setup and performance. This and nature are my happy places and my creative spaces. This is where I want to be constantly. This is what's in my head when I create.
However, as an artist, I struggle with the loneliness of my own thoughts. It is difficult to relate to others the depth of what is inside me. I attempt to relate these thoughts then soon realize that I compose music for a reason. I communicate with music best. It is rare to find me at a loss for words (just ask my students). So when I can't seem to get all the music out quickly enough, I retract inward and have a difficult time getting out of my own head.
Sometimes it builds up and is manifests as a jumble of melodies, harmonies, and rhythms in my head. This is not a great feeling to have because, at that point, it doesn't make a lot of sense. These are moments when I need to search within myself and quiet my soul in order to isolate the pieces that are driving my thoughts.
Those are the moments that I simply need to be alone and in a quiet space.
This is the dichotomy of an artist: commenting on life all around us by withdrawing from it in order to accomplish the artistic goal.