It's All in My Head
Updated: May 6
This! Ah, this is comfort, solace, and trepidation all in one. The empty hall prior to setup and performance. This and nature are my happy places and my creative spaces. This is where I want to be constantly. This is what's in my head when I create.
However, as an artist, I struggle with the loneliness of my own thoughts. It is difficult to relate to others the depth of what is inside me. I attempt to relate these thoughts then soon realize that I compose music for a reason. I communicate with music best. It is rare to find me at a loss for words (just ask my students). So when I can't seem to get all the music out quick enough, I retract inward and have a difficult time getting out of my own head. I am at that point now.
I haven't been able to spend the time needed on composing lately, so it has been building up and is now a jumble of melodies and harmonies and rhythms in my head. This is not a great feeling to have because, at this point, it doesn't make a lot of sense. I need to search within myself and quiet my soul in order to isolate the pieces that are driving my thoughts.
I simply need to be alone and in a quiet space.
That is very difficult to accomplish because it seems I feel that at the most inopportune moments. And it is difficult to explain to others who don't need to withdraw from everything.
This is the dichotomy of an artist: commenting on life all around us by withdrawing from it in order to accomplish the artistic goal.