Updated: May 6, 2020
I say it all the time to my 6-year-old and even my high school band students,
"Let it go, Elsa. Just Let it go."
I recently sat in a rehearsal of one of my pieces that is scheduled to be premiered in March this year. I have only experienced this role, completely removed from the performing aspect, three times before and I have forgotten how much I truly enjoy it. I recalled the same nerves from every time previously experienced. I recalled the nervous energy, the fear that the conductor wouldn't hear, see, or feel the same as I, the fear that the performers would not enjoy the music that sat in front of them, the fear that none of it would measure up to the ideal ensemble performing in my head. I had to figure out a way to let it go. Luckily, my fears were quickly subdued when the musicians played their first notes, what amazing talents! Then came my sudden need to adjust what I had written (articulations, register, instrumentation). I was able to make much needed changes quickly.
I knew I wanted to change some compositional elements in the piece and that was when I was able to truly let go of my fears and try something new. If only the rest of life were so simple.
I have several pieces in the works (or in my head) that I am in desperate need of getting out. I fear that there are too many to organize and I will lose one or some. I can see them from behind blurred glasses, but a couple of them are so blurred that they may just fade off into the distance never to be heard. I tell myself, "Let it go." If these pieces are meant to be created by me, they will return somehow and someday, otherwise they will fade away. I have to trust in God and have faith that He will help me find the music again.
We hold onto fear sometimes because we believe it keeps us safe. But if we hold on to fear, it can sap our livelihood. Don't misunderstand me, being fearful of snakes has its purpose, but being fearful of messing something up will pin you into a crevice so deep that your true self is lost with no visible sign of being saved. However, there is always a way out. When you are that deep in fear, that is when you simply have to let it go, make a change, and trust. Let go of your fear. Change your perspective. Trust that even if you didn't make the "right" decision, it will all work out in the end and He has your back.