In the musical world I feel so alone.
I take refuge in this realm.
This is where I can truly feel the presence and solitude of my God. I often wonder if God is lonely. I believe He is at times. I feel He is. Because we are at times. I often struggle with a weight that I do not understand. It is a heavy weight, a burdensome weight. It is a weight that only He can understand. I realize that I am only one person in God's existence and there have been many more who have been so much more important. So why me? Why do I feel such burden? I never truly rid of this weight. It has been with me since I met Him as a young teenager. I have lived an existence full of burden, laden with sporadic bursts of joy.
It is as though I am walking through a forest with a canopy speckled with small holes through which the sun's rays can escape to an earthen ground that so craves the heat to dry it's cold existence.
I have not written or even arranged in several months. When I have time to reflect on this truth, I feel the burden becoming heavier. I must be reminded of my path so I do not become complacent with my God.
He calls me to educate, but He compels me to communicate.
It is time for me to jump from that proverbial cliff and dive into the abyss below. I simply pray that the message I send is allowed to surface and not be drowned by my own trepidations.
Until next time...